Blog Post: Refer to pgs.126-127- What do you think about the strategy Ron presents concerning students in conflict? What do you like? What do you question? Is there a process you use to handle conflict?
March 15-21 Read Chapters 6-7, respond to the blog posts and reply to 1-2 others.
Blog Post: Refer to pgs.126-127- What do you think about the strategy Ron presents concerning students in conflict? What do you like? What do you question? Is there a process you use to handle conflict?
19 Comments
Bobbi Ingraham
3/17/2015 12:45:12 pm
Ron's strategy has merit and there are times that the strategies he listed work perfectly. I find that not every situation is the same and I can't do the same thing every time. Having said that, the first thing I do in every situation is investigate and find the source of the problem. From that I determine the direction to take. If the problem is still at the beginning stages conflict mediation often works great which is what I feel Ron was addressing. There are times students cannot come together and require more individual counseling to work through the issues. I do like, and use, Ron's step #3 and #4. When I am done working with the students, either individually or together, I want to get them back to "normal" as soon as possible. The sooner you can show the rest of the students/class that situation has been resolved the sooner the "talk" will end. Often times in middle school there is an "outer circle" of students that want to "stir the pot" and talk about the situation….that is where #4 comes in. It is important to let the "pot stirrers" know that if they discuss the issue they will receive consequences. Letting them know this up front will often stop the behavior before it happens/or before it becomes a bigger issue. After I deal with conflict I always do a follow up with the students in days/weeks/months to come depending on what the conflict was. When looking back at the steps Ron has one of the things that I would add would be one of my favorite strategies…"what's your name." This throws the students at first but it has great impact. When talking with students (either individually or in groups) I let the students share their side and I listen. When they are done I ask them "what is your name." The first time they look at me like I have 3 heads because I know who they are but I follow up once they answer me with…."Your name is Mary. I shouldn't hear you say anything about Beth. I should only hear you say things about Mary." The kids get it. I even hear them repeating it when they are talking through conflicts with their peers. A question I throw out there is what do you do with "mean girls" that continue no matter what strategy you use?
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Kelly Boggs
3/18/2015 04:44:40 pm
Yes, I agree that holding the whole class accountable for their parts in adding to a conflict is so important. While they may not have caused the conflict, they can help end it by ending the discussion. Ron seems to have a great gift for making his class feel like a family that works together to build a positive environment. In middle school, this is where the teacher team must keep each other in the loop since our kids are not contained in one place.
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Jenny
3/19/2015 11:34:06 am
I also like Bobbi's "what's your name?" strategy. It's a great way to help kids remember they are in school to improve themselves, and to focus on their own business not that of others.
Molly
3/21/2015 03:43:48 pm
I really like the "What's your name?" strategy. I like that is it specific. A simple specific thing for students to self monitor could be very effective. I notice that when I ask a student what they were trying to achieve by making whatever statement they make they are usually ashamed because they KNOW they are just piling on and trying to make it worse.
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Holly
3/22/2015 03:22:09 pm
If anyone has a mean girls strategy, I'd love to hear it. That group is the worst. The only thing that ever seems to work is if you can shut down the "Queen Bee." Once she's out of the picture, the rest usally falls apart. There's a book, "Queen Bees and Wannabees" that is an excellent read on this whole mean girl culture.
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Kristi Weisenstein
4/2/2015 06:39:42 am
What is your name... is great! I will be sharing that with my team. It will definitely help that little stuff that starts in 5th grade.
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Kelly Boggs
3/18/2015 04:29:47 pm
This was a great chapter about compassion. I believe this is one of the most important qualities of a good teacher. Ron’s strategy for resolving student conflict is practical and simple. I especially like the idea of asking each of the parties the questions he listed. Most of the time my students are not even quite sure why they are so upset. One little comment usually tips them over the edge after many other factors have built up tension. Having them verbalize why they are so angry helps them get some perspective. I agree that it’s helpful to have them talk it out and share with each other their perspectives, feelings, and solutions.
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Molly
3/19/2015 10:37:37 am
I like that he suggests going straight to the root of the problem and starting there. My experience has been quite similar. Most of the time it is the fallout from all the peripheral players that keeps the drama going and creates new drama. Another inportant piece is having the students explain the situation from their point of view. What you percieve happened is YOUR reality - even if it is not everyone else's. I have a colleague who would have students write out thier version of events before any mediation attempts. This hellped them "get it off their chest" and let out some emotion and also prepared him with information on both sides so he would be better prepared to deal with the situation.
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Jenny
3/19/2015 11:38:16 am
We used to use a version of the four whats as part of our PBIS consequences. It gives the students a chance to reflect on inappropriate behavior and think about how they could have handled situations differently. It's a great way to teach middle school kids, not just issue meaningless consequences.
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Bobbi
3/19/2015 01:04:37 pm
I like the "Four Whats" strategy Molly. I will have to try that the next time a student is in my office, especially when I am dealing with girl drama. I do have the students write their "written statement" before I talk to them and when I talk with them I write clarification notes on their statement. If they change their story in anyway I have them write that. The "Four Whats" might be specific questions to help guide that.
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Holly
3/22/2015 03:19:21 pm
When do you have the kids do the writing? I'm just curious how that works into the school day.
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Jenny
3/19/2015 11:49:12 am
I do like Ron's five steps to help kids place themselves in the other person's shoes. However, I am not certain bringing the bully and victim together is the best idea, especially if the bullying has been going on for some time. I would have the same conversation, but separately. I think the best teaching part of the steps is discussing how the problem could have been solved before disrupting the class. This is the type of role playing we used to do in our bullying lessons during advisory. Unfortunately advisory has been dropped. With only 39 minutes of class time, it is a catch 22 for me. Do I spend the time on the "teachable moment" and possibly prevent future disruptions? Or do I plow through the lesson and deal with the two parties involved after the fact?
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Molly
3/21/2015 03:39:33 pm
I agree that modeling positive relationships is very important and can go a long way in exposure value. I have worked in buildings where the teachers are some times as bad as the students.
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Bobbi Ingraham
3/19/2015 01:08:55 pm
In response to all of the great ideas shared (and thank you for that) I just wanted to through out another thing I do….again especially with a drama situation. I share with the students the visual of a camp fire. How putting the first log in the fire ring is the first comment. The second log is the second. The starter fluid starts to build with more comments and eventually the comments burst into a fight with the start of the fire. The sparks are the comments all of the outsiders are putting in. Then I ask them what happens when we use a poker stick to poke the fire (much like saying another comment). The fire continues. But, if we let the fire alone eventually it will die out just as if we do not say anything else the drama will stop but we have to let it die down. They understand the visual.
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Kelly
3/20/2015 12:42:04 pm
Great analogy! Especially the poker stick!
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Molly
3/21/2015 03:33:11 pm
This is a great visual and comparison for the students. I will use this in the future!
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Holly
3/22/2015 03:17:04 pm
I love this analogy! I am going to use this with my kids!!
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Holly
3/22/2015 03:16:26 pm
I do think his strategy is a good one. I often find with my students that they really struggle with knowing how to deal with conflict. Unfortunately, from what we see from some of their parents, they don't have very good role models at home! That's tough, when kids think the best way to deal with a conflict is to yell and scream at other people. (sigh) I find there has to be a lot of coaching and modeling to get kids through to a place where they can learn how to manage this. It has to be done, though, because otherwise all we have is conflict all day long.
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Kristi Weisenstein
4/2/2015 06:31:49 am
I like the process that Ron used with the two girls. The questions are very direct and to the point. This gives each person a chance to express their view which may or may not be the same. I remember telling my own children growing up to listen to both sides of any story before deciding because the truth was probably in the middle. The hardest part after any conflict is to resolve the fallout and I feel like #4 helps do that. I wondered if #5 involved just the two students or was more of a class discussion.
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